I am not exactly sure how to act like nothing happened today.
I am sitting here at my computer and I have 10 different things that I wanted to write about this week in regards to how I was doing with my 5 Month Money Challenge. But when I try to think of a clever, thoughtful or poignant message…all that keeps coming up for me is “What the fuck is the point?” It is so small, so meaningless, so absolutely unimportant in the wake of what has transpired in Orlando early this morning. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I stayed on budget. It doesn’t matter if I had a bad day and struggled to not indulge and have a Starbucks.
50 people lost their lives this morning in a SENSELESS ACT OF VIOLENCE.
50 families were told this morning that they had a loved one who DIED in a place where they felt SAFE.
50 hearts stopped beating because someone doesn’t like the LBGTQ community.
YOU HATE A GROUP OF PEOPLE SO YOU KILL THEM???
I just cannot wrap my head around it. And I know that this is not the first (and more upsetting, won’t be the last) time a group has been brutally attacked like this. But I sit in total frustration because I don’t know what to do. I am tired of changing my social media profile to show solidarity. I am tired of hashtags #prayingforanothercity/country/group. I am tired of hearing about death and then being sad about it and then talking with other like-minded people in frustration. I feel hopeless. Helpless.
I teach from a place of love. I try to live coming from a space of love. Love for all beings, bodies, religions, choices. My mom has a beautiful saying “all paths lead to God” (or whatever/whomever you believe). So I find it so difficult to try and understand where hate can be so vast that it is demonstrated in violent action.
And I don’t know what to do.
My Facebook feed is covered with people’s opinions about gun control and terrorism and theories and calls for action. Petitions and vigils and fundraising and signups. All out of a place of wanting to help, to make the world better.
But how do you teach love?
I am fortunate that the group of friends I hold dear (and even the general population in my geographical location) are like-minded folks. I don’t have a broad representation of different views on my social media pages. So, when something happens, most of the opinions coming through my feed are views that I hold in high regard and agree with. So to speak out and say “We need to act out of love and not hate,” everyone I am close with (or even associated with) echoes that same message.
How do we reach those that don’t share those values? How do we reach the people that view a group (or race or religion) with such hate that an act of violence is the only answer? That murder is the only answer? I want to scream.
I know this question is one that everyone asks – If we had the answer we would have world peace. I just feel so heartbroken and so helpless that all I can do is keep trying to live in a manner that cultivates love.
I don’t have the answer and in all honesty, I feel defeated.